Handling Angry Customers: De-escalation Tips That Work.

If you work with the public, you’ve probably experienced this on some level. Tempers have become shorter and more explosive since the start of the pandemic. Angry clients and customers have become more common, creating extra challenges for those who work with the public.

So how can you de-escalate a situation with a customer that is spiraling into a threat?

I spent 30+ years working as an investigator in some of our nation’s most dangerous neighborhoods. During that time I served hundreds of court papers including lawsuits, restraining orders, and subpoenas to people involved in stressful situations. I also interviewed thousands of witnesses regarding emotional charged incidents.

And for over 10 years I’ve taught personal safety (situational awareness and de-escalation) and self-defense to hundreds of individuals, businesses, nonprofit organizations, and government agencies all based upon the real world skills I developed to keep myself safe while dealing with members of the public.

In this piece, we’re going to cover the tips and tricks I used to de-escalate angry people BEFORE they could explode into violence. And how you can implement these techniques to keep safe. And what to do when you feel things are spiraling beyond your ability to calm the situation.

Check out my free staff and workplace safety checklist below. And if you’d like to go more in depth on workplace safety, take my free, pre-recorded workshop on staff safety in the side bar.

No Industry is Safe from Angry Customers

In April 2022, staff members of an Albuquerque, New Mexico Fuddrucker’s Restaurant were violently attacked by multiple people after refusing to make change per restaurant policy. The restaurant staff were attacked while escorting the people out of the restaurant after the people became increasingly agitated and angry.

A few months later a 17-year-old girl who worked at a Burger King in Wyoming was hospitalized after a violent attack by an angry customer.

It’s not just the food industry. In November 2022, a woman working behind the counter at a major airport, was violently attacked by a woman enraged when she was unable to to travel because her passport was expired.

In June of 2022, a patient unhappy with his continued pain following a surgical procedure, walked into a hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and shot the surgeon who performed the procedure, another physician, a receptionist and a hospital visitor to death.

Although the situation has worsened during pandemic. The upward trend of angry customers and clients attacking began staff began before that. From 2011 to 2018, attacks against medical professionals by patients and family and friends of patients rose by 63%.

These are but a few of the examples of a widespread problem.

A 2021 Survey by Zogby Analytics found that 34% of the companies reported that their employees expressed fear of workplace violence, concerns about workplace security, or feeling threatened by customers, co-workers, visitors, or members of the public.

And 91% of those surveyed felt an attack could occur in any industry.

So how can you reduce the risk of violence occurring from an angry customer? Through Implementing de-escalation techniques.

De-escalation

De-escalation is the act of reducing the intensity of a situation. It is the last opportunity a person has to keep a situation that is spiraling downward from turning violent.

De-escalation is accomplished by calming a person’s anger using our listening skills, body language, controlling our own stress, and the words and manner we speak to them.

Keep Calm Yourself

Anger feeds off of anger. If we amp up our own emotions, we feed into a loop that makes it easier for things to escalate out of control leading to violence. Here’s how to keep calm:

Breathe. In tense situations we can literally forget to breathe. Being conscious about our breathing, allows us to breathe normally, which in turn feeds oxygen to the brain. This helps to calm us, and allows our brain to function properly.
Speak. When we speak, even if it’s reciting the alphabet, we automatically calm ourselves down. And as an added benefit, when we speak we cause the angry person to listen even if he doesn’t want to listen.

Stand Up

When we are seated, and an angry person is standing, it creates a power imbalance. And that power imbalance feeds into attempts to intimidate you. Also, it is much too difficult to defend yourself from a seated position if an attack occurs.

Stand up…slowly, normally, not quickly and dynamically, to offset this imbalance and lessens his ability to intimidate you.

In addition, if you adopt the safe stance, hands up with palms facing towards the angry person, as if to say with your body “calm down”, you are demonstrating calmness and the desire to de-escalate, while at the same time putting yourself into a position where you can defend yourself if attacked.

Reflective Listening

Reflective listening is one of the best techniques to use with an angry person.

Reflective listening essentially is about paraphrasing back to someone what they just said, as a way that shows you are listening to them and actually hearing what they are saying. In addition, reflective listening forces him to have to focus on what you are saying to ensure that you are really hearing what he says.

When a person is listening to what you are saying, especially if trying to ensure that what you are saying is what he’s been saying, it becomes harder for him to engage in physical activity such as launching a physical attack.

Here are some examples of reflective listening:

“So let me make sure I understand what you are saying, what you are saying is___________”. (Paraphrase back what he just said)

“So what you are wanting is_______ am I getting that right?” (Paraphrase what he told you and then ask if you got it right).

“I hear what you are saying, what you are saying is_____” (Specifically stating that you hear him goes a long way).

Or…”I really want to be able to help you with this, can you take me through this so I am better able to understand exactly what you need so that I can help you to get that?” (Asking for his help turns the situation around a bit as it gets him to refocus on making this more of a give and take situation than an angry demand).

Take Your Time Before Responding

Each time he responds try to slow down the process down even further. To do this, get him to speak even more. Remember that the same physiological process of calming down while speaking works for an angry person too.

In addition, when you slow down your own responses to him you lessen the chances of you escalating the situation by saying the wrong thing.

What To Do When You Can’t De-escalate

Sometimes a change in who an angry person is dealing with can help with de-escalation. There are a couple of approaches you can take to bring in reinforcements.

You can say something like, “I hear what you are saying, but I don’t think I’m the right person to be able to help you, would you like for me to see if I can find someone who may be better able to help?”

“I think I’m not helping you get what you need. Would you like for me to see if I can find someone who can help you?”

Finally, if a situation isn’t calming down after you’ve tried everything, it is good to have a way to communicate with a manager in a way that doesn’t tip off the angry person.

A wireless doorbell or buzzer can be pressed that rings or flashes a light into the area where a manager is located. One push can be please come to the front area right now, two pushes can mean call 911 now.

Or you can use a code work over the telephone. An innocuous word that doesn’t stand out as a code, but is not one you would normally use. Simply say, let me contact a manager, and you can describe the situation, but add in the code word.

Have you experienced an angry customer at work? What did you do to calm the situation down? Post about your experience in the comments below.

Dealing with angry customers these days is very common. Having the ability to de-escalate tense situations can help prevent violent attacks from happening. If you’d like additional information on making the workplace safer, you can download my free checklist that you can use for workplace safety, and if you want to go more in depth, sign up for my free, pre-recorded workshop on keeping staff safe in the workplace and while out in the community.