My Interview With Authority Magazine on How to Listen Effectively

"On a personal level, the ability to listen to what a partner, spouse, or family member says, and respond to that specifically is really critical to better relationships."

Michael Corwin spent 30+ years working as an investigator conducting witness interviews for civil plaintiff, criminal defense, and third party fact-finding investigations. For two decades he taught conducting witness interviews to legal professionals and law school students. And for over 10 years, he’s taught personal safety, and workplace violence prevention to businesses, nonprofit organizations and government agencies focusing on de-escalation techniques.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I was born and raised in New Rochelle, NY. My father was an attorney, my mother an elementary school teacher. I began working as an investigator in Los Angeles, CA in 1987, and spent 24 years as a self-employed investigator in Albuquerque, NM.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

If you don’t ask, you won’t receive (Or alternatively if you don’t ask the answer is always no). Witnesses possess information, and the only way I could get that information was to ask for it. I found a key element of my success was to avoid thinking someone wouldn’t talk to me even if they were supportive of the other side’s position. And what I found was that if I made the effort to contact that person, they usually did talk with me.

Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy by John Le Carre, because it captured the investigative process and in particular conducting “cold call” interviews by showing up unannounced. And the film All The President’s Men, for the same reasons.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly does being a good listener mean?

Being a good listener means actively focusing on what is being said to you rather than upon what you would like to ask the other person. It also means showing that person that you are listening through paraphrasing back to that person what you hear being said.

Why is effective listening such an important quality? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

Effective listening allows you to get someone to open up to you, to trust you enough to provide you with information. Information is a tool. And with that information, you have a guide to help with the decision making process.

In the mid 1990’s I moved to Minneapolis, MN from Los Angeles, and was unable to find work as an investigator, so I ended up selling Subarus for a bit. But thanks to the listening skills I developed doing witness interviews, I ended up becoming the top salesman in the upper Midwest, (MN, WI,ND, SD, IA) with no sales training.

Other salesmen tried formulaic sales techniques and “closes”, but I asked open ended questions, and listened to their answers, which allowed me to ask follow up questions to get them to go more in depth. It was my effective listening and interview skills that helped me succeed, by building trust. And in doing so I was able to find out from them, exactly what they were looking for in a car, and also the why behind what they wanted, and then based upon what I learned by listening, I was able to find the right fit for them.

From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that hold someone back from being a good listener?

Priorities and mindset. We tend to think it’s the questions we ask that get us the information. As a result, people often focus more on asking questions rather than listening to the answers. For some people that can even involve a bit of ego. Sometimes people forget that we need the information the other person has, more than that person needs to provide it to us, so we view the interview process from our perspective and the results we want rather than from theirs.

It can also be in the way people prepare. I always counsel against working off of formal list of questions, because that causes you to focus on the questions rather than on the answers. Which can mean that you miss opportunities to explore new or different information that can crop up because that information falls outside the list of questions we want to ask.

Can you please share a few practical techniques that have helped you become a more effective listener?

I think the most important thing is to slow down. By doing so, we allow ourselves the time to listen. In addition, it is important to shift your focus to listening, and the best way to do that is to remain silent until the person you are speaking with finishes their thought. Then get them to dig even deeper into what they are saying by asking “how so”, and then remaining silent once again. The old adage that nature abhors a vacuum holds true for interviews, as people will fill in silence by providing more information.

it’s also critical to show the other person that you are hearing what they say. To do so you should paraphrase back to that person what they just said. “So let me make sure that I understand what you’ve told me, what you said was ______”. And then once again, return to silence as they go into more depth.

Here is the central question of our discussion. What are five ways that listening effectively can help someone succeed personally and professionally? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.

1 . On a personal level, the ability to listen to what a partner, spouse, or family member says, and respond to that specifically is really critical to better relationships.

2 . On a professional level, effective sales is about listening, building rapport, and getting a person to trust you enough to tell you what they really need, and then to let them know you hear them. From there you can decide if you are a good fit.

3 . As someone whose work involved listening, I learned that it is important to not fear what someone has to say, that once you learn to view information as a tool that helps you make decisions, that you can really maximize your listening skills to make better, more informed decisions.

4 . In addition, whether it’s in actual sales, or if it involves negotiations, that the ability to overcome objections brings you closer to your final goal. And in order to address an objection, you have to flesh that out. The best way to do that is to ask an open ended question, and remain silent while the person provides more information. Then keep that process going, by asking “how so?”, and you’ll find that in following this process you let the person overcome their own objections by thinking things through out loud.

5 . Finally, whether in the workplace, or out in the community, you make encounter someone who is really heated. By letting them talk, and you actively listening, you let them cool down, and you also reduce the risk of your responding off the cuff with something that sets them back off again.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

I have an eBook called The Everyday Detective, in which I teach people to apply in their everyday lives the skills I learned during my 30+ years as an investigator. I think, the most important of those skills to learn is the art of the interview. Whether it’s protecting loved ones by interviewing people with experience regarding a care facility or preschool you are considering for a family member, the ability to truly flesh out information can make a significant impact on the quality of your life.

Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!

Jon Stewart. I think he has put his interview skills to work, and used his influence, to make our world a better place.

How can our readers continue to follow your work online?

I write a regular blog at www.mikecorwin.com

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!

About the Interviewer: Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA was born nearly blind, crippled with club feet, partially deaf, and left-handed. He overcame all of these obstacles to become a successful civil trial lawyer. In 2000, he abandoned his law practice to become a peacemaker. His calling is to serve humanity, and he executes his calling at many levels. He is an award-winning author, teacher, and trainer. He is a highly experienced mediator. Doug’s work carries him from international work to helping people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts. Doug teaches his innovative de-escalation skill that calms any angry person in 90 seconds or less. With Laurel Kaufer, Doug founded Prison of Peace in 2009. The Prison of Peace project trains life and long terms incarcerated people to be powerful peacemakers and mediators. He has been deeply moved by inmates who have learned and applied deep, empathic listening skills, leadership skills, and problem-solving skills to reduce violence in their prison communities. Their dedication to learning, improving, and serving their communities motivates him to expand the principles of Prison of Peace so that every human wanting to learn the skills of peace may do so. Doug’s awards include California Lawyer Magazine Lawyer of the Year, Best Lawyers in America Lawyer of the Year, Purpose Prize Fellow, International Academy of Mediators Syd Leezak Award of Excellence, National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals Neutral of the Year. His four books have won a number of awards and commendations. Doug’s podcast, Listen With Leaders, is now accepting guests. Click on this link to learn more and apply.